The conversation always starts out with, "They're adopted?! I thought they got their size from their dad!" And it immediately goes to questions about their birth moms--
"do we know them?" Yes, we are very close to Kade's birth mom. We don't know Mason's birth mom, we'd love to but she's not ready and that's completely fine.
"You're close to Kade's birth mom? Like, she's been to your house??? Is that weird?" Umm, no! It's amazing!! We love her and her family like they are our own family because they ARE part of our family! She made Kade and Kade is our son! We wouldn't have it any other way!! Mason's birth mom emails and reads the blog and we hope, someday, to meet her and have a relationship with her too.
"Do they know they're adopted"? Well, yes, but they are 5 and 2 so do they get it? Probably not. They know they came out of "A" and "F's" bellies and A&F chose us to be their parents. That's as far as it goes for now, and Mason, obviously, hasn't even gotten that far yet.
Then the conversation leads into questions about their birth dad's and that's where it gets a little trickier. We don't know anything about their birth dads. Obviously Kade and Mason were unplanned pregnancies and I doubt A&F had any intentions of ever having a baby with them at any point in their lives. So the birth dad's have never been involved, that's A&F's choice and I respect that. But eventually the boys are going to figure out how babies are made (please please please not for another 20 years :-). So, it got me thinking again--how are we going to talk to the boys about their birth dads? I've had 5.5 years to come up with an answer and this is what I've got so far...
Here goes: We don't know your birth dad's but God does. And He must know something pretty great about them because He chose them to help make you and that's amazing. God creates families in different ways and He did an awesome job creating our family and your birth dad's were a part of that. Maybe someday you'll meet them, but even if you don't, just know that they allowed God to work through them to create you and God knows what He's doing.
To my 5 faithful readers: Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!!
God's beautiful creations:
that sounds pretty good to me! it brought tears to my eyes- well said my friend!
ReplyDeleteKristi, I think you are handling it perfectly. It's such a hard topic. Khalil is 6 now and he's really starting to connect the dots. We tell him that he has a birth mom and dad and we don't know who they are, but they created such a perfect being that they must be very special. They also loved him so much that they chose for him to have a life with us. Do you think the birth moms would ever share the birth dad information with you? Again, I think you answer things perfectly. It's tough, and will only get tougher as our little ones get older so I'd love advice too. :-)
ReplyDeleteYou now have 6 faithful readers! ;) and I think you guys are extraordinary parents (all of you!) and that explanation sounds pretty amazing too!
ReplyDelete