Since a lot of people who read this blog don't have first hand experience with an open adoption I'd like to answer a couple common questions I get whenever I mention Lady A's visits.
1.) Is it hard/weird/uncomfortable for you to see Kade with his birthmom/family?
Answer: This is the honest to God truth! It is not the least bit hard or weird or whatever for me to see Lady A, or S, or any other birthfamily relatives hold, kiss, or hug Kade. I know that's hard for some people to comprehend but it's true! Maybe it's because I'm a first time Mom so this is all I know? I don't know. Honestly, I enjoy their visits and look forward to them! They are great people and fun to be around. Besides, everybody loves to talk about their children and this is an audience that I can say anything and everything awesome about Kade and they love to hear it!
You know how whenever people see a baby they always try to figure out who he looks like? We do that too! Kade has Lady A's big blue eyes and super long eyelashes, the first feature everyone notices and comments on about him. He also has her smile. Thankfully he doesn't share her infant sleep schedule! We learned she didn't sleep through the night until she was a year old! Ouch! :-) Kade's had that down for awhile now.
I also think this is what's best for Kade and every parent wants what's best for their children. When I was little my brother told me that I was adopted. He had a very detailed story that I'm not sure why I believed but I did. He told me my real name was "Krissy Krants Pull Down Your Pants". My real mom and dad lived in San Francisco and they had one room that was full of Cabbage Patch Dolls. (Side note: I was voted "Most Gullible" in high school) But, I remember crying and asking my mom if it was true. Even when she told me it wasn't I still wondered. Hopefully Kade will never have to wonder. If he ever has any questions about his birthfamily I hope he can send an email, call or ask them at their next visit.
2.) Isn't it hard for Lady A to see Kade and then have to leave him?
Answer: Obviously, I don't know the exact answer to this question. I'm sure it is a little bit hard but she's assured us that she's happy with her decision. She told us she gets excited when we set a date for the next visit and she loves shopping for him. I know I have a hard time when they leave so I can guarantee it's harder for them but I hope it's worth it to them to see Kade. They've told us how much they love this blog and how much it helps to see pictures and read about Kade on a weekly basis. They've named their tears, "Happy Tears", and they tell us how appreciative they are that Kade is so loved. Believe me, if they think they are appreciative of us we are a billion times more appreciative of them.
Kade has a lot of love in his life. Erik and I are going to have to do our best to make sure he doesn't act spoiled because it's hard not to spoil this little man!!
Every adoption is unique, some adoptions are a lot "messier" than others. I've said this before and I'll say it again, we were very blessed to be chosen by Lady A. She, and her mom, has made this adoption easy and fun. Speaking for myself only, being an adoptive parent comes with some level of guilt. I felt a little guilty that I was taking Kade away. There was some worry that I was trusted to raise this child and what if I don't do a good enough job? I don't have those feelings anymore largely based on the fact that Kade's birthfamily has been so great.
To respect their privacy, I won't post any of the pictures I took of Kade with them but I will show you what he looked like about 20 minutes after they left...
He is such a handsome guy! :)
ReplyDeleteI love open adoption, and I know so many happy situations with it. You are going to be able to give Kade the biggest gift in life, which is knowledge of his birth family. That's something I will always be sad about because I won't be able to give that info to Khalil.
And I totally understand the guilt thing. I feel that often unfortunately, although it's starting to get better. It's just that much more incentive to be the best mom ever.
Hope you and your family are well. :)
Oh the tears! I swear you make me cry every time. I just saw my friend today who did an open adoption 1 month ago and I was telling her about how awesome your situation is. It is so amazing how things work out.
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